gee,i feel all sqiurmed up now.like squiggly wirmish.and i have an adrenaline rush to let everything out.i mean besides the retaining issue,there are other factors which affects my mood swings.okay,i got ditched,cheated on,lied,played on and what else.alright,you may say it was some one-sided doing on my part and i was willing being in that position,but i do feel like a complete idiot right now.i feel like a crappy loser,a dumb git that got played unknowingly.and worse still,its not like a week,month thing or two.its years.oh gosh,what am i gonna do?just when i think that the world has a glimspe of hope for me to grasp on the courage to preserve,i have to be engulfed in darkness and lies.i believed in hope you know,truly.and i don't expect anything in return just to see your face and wish that everything else stays constant except your smile and not avoiding me.have i done anything wrong?i haven't even take a step to endure all this.its really unfair.and no matter how many times i told myself to get up and take it aback;an experience in growing up,i'm sure the hurt inflicted could never be lessened.i feel infinite krptonites piercing through my heart.really,the pain felt could never be put through the same impact of any sufferings in other aspects of life like studies.both are important and crucial to me.i'm not implying that a person will make me give myt studies up,but the harm caused due to selfishness is relatively more than the failure i faced in my academics.my pride has been trampled.least in studies,i can pull my bootstraps together still.how to climb and stagger up when my face and ego's totally crushed.i cannot imagine the time when i have conquered this moment and face the fact.i know i shouldn't be living in self-denial.my life on the web is a facade;to gain attention,to face the non-truth,and live on self-denial happiness.its really tiring but i just can't take the effort to take the mask off completely.and when i stand before a single truth,another lie comes peeking in like multiplying-bacteria.the cycle is end-going and i know i'm not in the right strength to have reality thrown on a face-to-face meeting,yet.yeah,thats probably why human fantasizes.am i one then?which category would i be classified in?yeah,i learnt my lesson now?i realised never to go out all completely for anyone but myself.i cannot fall into other's clutches,never ever again.