i know i've been neglecting this area for ages.i know i know,but it's a blessing in disguise man,cause this is a pessimistic medium where my infinite rambling on anything under the sun takes place.but right now the illusion is gone,obviously i'm here for a reason;and that is issues which doesn't make my life less rocky and hazardous.right,so let's get on to it; #1 studies #2 tracy's emotional disorders.
#1 academics
i'm not gonna say "hey,maybe it ain't that bad retaining after all...",but i'm also ain't gonna shut up about it.basically,its just playing by ear as each day whized past.but right now,i feel i'm lagging behind my expected pace.i have gotta speed without fail asap.see the immense pressure i'm facing for studies?!but its still quite manageble actually.so we'll see how it goes till the next breakdown for studies.

#2 emtion handling
i needa get a grip of myself.i wonder am i desperate for the lost love that exist since my first heartbreak.i really do.i can confidently say i do not know guys.maybe cause it had become a since in-the-first-place,i have given up on depending on being in a bgr.yep,i think i have succumbed to that rock-bottom to any deep pit.but i'm not gay,i do show obsession in the opposite genders,just curiously filled with confusion of my ability.one should have confidence yes,but too much can ruin you too.too low calls for low-self esteem,i believe i'm normal,trying to deviate low and high sometimes.to sum it all,whenever there's time for reflection for the day,and in the long-run of close to 18 years,i believe i'm really close to being a loser for bgr.i'm not implying i need to depend on guys again and that i really wanna stand on my feet independently,held with utmost respect for my capablility and also most importantly,i'm a female.but then again,probably due to one's raging hormones which induces us to crave for the opposite gender fails us time after time.i really do need an answer,the assurance i need found within me but yet to be discovered.yes,i'm impatient and i'm ready to grab any valid and feasible answer which may provide or substantiate even the minimal aid i need.i look around and gaze;reflecting upon myself as an example.what do they do to acheive that.in terms of studies yes i know,cause there's brains,intelligence,hardwork and capital.but this psycological obstacle i failed to cross is sure darn irritating.i know i'm judging right but somehow the mechanism of how human minds works is contradicting,very.yeah,the world is contradicting.when there's up,there are downs too.when there's yin,yang exists too(trying to give an example)fine,i just to think deeper and more intently to figure maybe close to reaching my objective?i don't know,i'm really confused and clueless.then its back to the facets of reality;hiding behind a mask cause of my strong pride and never-say-fail ego.